A Mug's Mug
Handed down through generations, this dish of beaten Nepalese tin is purportedly taken from the same mines of the deepest valley between the highest mountains that birthed Dennis Lillie’s aluminium cricket bat. It has taken 700 years to arrive here at the Lamma Cricket Club.
It has seen war, gold rushes and Taipans and has been used to measure the weight of dried tiger sperm and opium. It has seen service as a dog dish and been owned by a Bangkok banker with a wooden cock. When asked “why?” sweat would break out upon the owner’s face and he would say with a feverish twitch, rubbing his forehead in anguish, “The dish made me do it”.
Some say it is cursed and others say it has an ancient magic, and when it swings in the wind those same people say some can hear the soul of the sad banker’s wicked old wife cackling at her husband’s plight, her shadowy shape forever embedded in its mysterious dull shine.
To stare at the Mug’s Mug too long is to begin speaking in tongues and if perchance it be handed to some unlucky grass faerie posing as a cricket player, he or she will feel an unpleasant tingling in their crotch. A deep festering and putrid smelling wound will appear within 4 days upon the unlucky person’s place of fun and will resist all antibiotics known in medical circles unless that person partake upon a quest.
The quest is; to find the secret meaning of cricket – but not just any type of cricket, but cricket played on Lamma Island. The answer can only be found somewhere between the bottom of a pint of beer at its birth place and the famed concrete stumps built by the harnessers of power. The quest may last for 13 days (one day for each team-mate and including 12th man and scorer) and all will know if the unlucky grass faerie has found the secret, because he (or she) will shout it from the hilltops while wearing nothing but a stubby holder over the genitalia and a red mark shall be displayed upon their forehead symbolizing where the old Bangkok Banker glued his shriveled dismembered member to the forehead and pranced underneath the moon declaring they are a unicorn.
Then, and only then, will the unpleasant tingling stop and the wound upon his or her genital be alleviated. But they will still be a mug until the next mug is given the challenge and then the red mark will be transferred to that mug’s head.
Beware the Mug’s Mug and the shadowy laughter of the old crone’s soul for it is bat-shit evil. You have been warned.
Some say it is cursed and others say it has an ancient magic, and when it swings in the wind those same people say some can hear the soul of the sad banker’s wicked old wife cackling at her husband’s plight, her shadowy shape forever embedded in its mysterious dull shine.
To stare at the Mug’s Mug too long is to begin speaking in tongues and if perchance it be handed to some unlucky grass faerie posing as a cricket player, he or she will feel an unpleasant tingling in their crotch. A deep festering and putrid smelling wound will appear within 4 days upon the unlucky person’s place of fun and will resist all antibiotics known in medical circles unless that person partake upon a quest.
The quest is; to find the secret meaning of cricket – but not just any type of cricket, but cricket played on Lamma Island. The answer can only be found somewhere between the bottom of a pint of beer at its birth place and the famed concrete stumps built by the harnessers of power. The quest may last for 13 days (one day for each team-mate and including 12th man and scorer) and all will know if the unlucky grass faerie has found the secret, because he (or she) will shout it from the hilltops while wearing nothing but a stubby holder over the genitalia and a red mark shall be displayed upon their forehead symbolizing where the old Bangkok Banker glued his shriveled dismembered member to the forehead and pranced underneath the moon declaring they are a unicorn.
Then, and only then, will the unpleasant tingling stop and the wound upon his or her genital be alleviated. But they will still be a mug until the next mug is given the challenge and then the red mark will be transferred to that mug’s head.
Beware the Mug’s Mug and the shadowy laughter of the old crone’s soul for it is bat-shit evil. You have been warned.
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Hideous things may happen; be afraid, very afraid.
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